“From slavery to segregation, we remember that America did not always live up to its ideals. In fact, we often fell far short of them. But we also learned that fundamental to our national character is the drive to live out the true meaning of our creed.”
~ Bill Frist
It was a cool to receive some information that I never knew about my grandparents which is featured in a cold case study by the Northeastern University School of Law, entitled “Lost Life, A Miscarriage of Justice: The Death of John Earl Reese“. There is not even a Wikipedia page on him. My mom and my aunt have been recently associated with efforts to memorialize and honor John E. Reese, 16 who was sitting in a local Cafe on October 22, 1955 in Mayflower Texas having a soda when he was shot and killed by white supremacists bent on stopping a new school for black kids from getting built. My grandfather was the school bus driver at the time and he helped organize and ferry black voters to the polls which helped spur the funding for the school. There wasn’t much publicity on this case. This travesty of justice occurred on the heels of Brown vs. The Board of Education as well as the equally horrific Emmit Till lynching. This cold case report revealed that my Grandfather, H.C. Thompson had overheard men talking of murder since the town had the go-ahead to build the school. A couple of guys got in a car and basically did a drive-by, shooting and injuring two girls, ages 15 and 11, and killing John Earl Reese with a shot from a .22 rifle in the head. They then preceded to shoot up more houses that happened to belong to more of my kin as well as paying a visit to my Grandfather’s residence. They shot up his school bus and car parked at his home. You didn’t leave the buses at the school in those day.
My grandmother gave a report on the incident expressing a lack of faith that justice would be served. Just as she feared, a cover-up ensued and it was revealed that public officials were actually related to the shooters, such as the town judge who was a cousin of the guy who pulled the trigger. In one such instance, the grandmother of the girls who were shot was arrested. They tried to say she conspired to kill the two girls for insurance money. Other black men were brought in for questioning to elicit a confession. It wasn’t until the Texas Rangers got wind of the matter and began a state investigation. The real culprits where finally brought in and a confession was given. A trial ensued, but the man was released when the jury let him go with a 5-year suspended sentence from a guilty without malice verdict, ruling the Reese’s death an “accident”. Around this same time in Birmingham, Alabama, Time Magazine reported on Reese and pointed out that another similar trial proceeded where black man was on trial. He fire his own court appointed representative and tried to defend himself to prove that he was not guilty of burglary. He lost and was found guilty. He got the electric chair. The school in Mayflower was eventually built, but was abandoned 12 years later due to integration from the Brown ruling.
All efforts in the Civil Rights movements did not go lauded into the history books. I had never even heard this story til now. My granddad (I called him Daddy) never sat me down to speeches of hate, nor a malice of heart toward white people. He did quite often talk to me about Jesus, the Bible, and love. He always appeared to be sleeping in church, but when I “told it on him” to my Grandmama, she clued me in that he wasn’t really sleeping. Sure enough one eye popped open and stared at me for about 10 seconds. Scary..
My grandmother welcomed my white ex-wife into the family and even brought her into the kitchen and taught her how to cook. (My wife sucked at cooking when we were first married.) Daddy used to play with my son on his knees, refusing to call him Jeremy, insisting on Jeremiah instead. Daddy was a little frightful at times. By the time he met my kids he didn’t have but a few teeth left in his head. He had a scruffy, yet sometimes high-pitched voice, and a bald head. Little kids were scared of him til they got to be familiar with him. Except for his asthma, the man looked in pretty decent shape for his age. A firm grip was his handshakes. He liked to laugh but he didn’t put up with mess. His memory was more intact than mine when I was 20. He taught me to drive before I was a teen-ager. I drove to church along back country roads or to the “Store”, which was reminiscent of the General Stores, where I bought a Baby Ruth and a RC cola. How did I get my own money? Daddy drove slowly behind us while my brother and I collected cans along the highway. There weren’t lawns to be mowed or cars that needed washing. Houses were further apart and they usually had their own kids to take care of that, or you needed a tractor to cut grass.
He was born in 1901 and died in 1996. It was the first time I ever had anyone close to me pass away. I can tell you I hurt so bad, I passed out. I was in Korea at the time, serving in the Army. My job was to Patrol the DMZ. I hadn’t been in country 3 weeks before the North Koreans, got stupid and felt like playing games. By the end of the situation, I found out that news of my Grandfather’s passing had been intentionally kept from me til after the situation was over with. So when we were ordered to finally stand down, and the North Koreans retreated to their own side, I was approached with a Red Cross message, but was not told about who was in trouble or what the situation was. One of my superiors understood that I was getting ready to blow my stack. I was still heavily armed at the time. He pulled me off the side and told me the deal. I walked away and got no more than 5 steps before I planted my face into the gravel. My armaments, grenades, and ammo were stripped from me, but while I was being hoisted away to medical, I came to. I was running out of time. The delay was putting me at risk of not making it home in time to honor the biggest man in my life at his funeral.
My cousin was former military and was familiar with how to address the Red Cross message. If he hadn’t said I was raised by my grandfather, I would not have been allowed to leave. His statement was partly true. He did raise me for the first 2 years of my life while my mom was in college, but afterwards, he still took part in my rearing, just indirectly. It also helped that I had become close friends with my chaplain. Taking the bus to the different Commands and bases to get signatures and then get to the airport would not have been doable. The Chaplain called ahead so I got the proper clearances and let me use his car and driver. I’ll admit we had a minor accident on the highway when he almost missed his exit, but I ordered the driver to not stop under fear of pain to get me to the airport. I’d deal with the consequences when I got back. We made it with 11 mins to spare. I attended my Grandfather’s funeral in my Army Dress Uniform since my personal clothes were still on a ship heading to Korea. Yeah, that was my Daddy.
“I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time is 18 years.” ~ Erma Bombeck
“A child, like your stomach, doesn’t need all you can afford to give it.” ~ Frank A. Clark
“My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.” ~ Quintin Crisp
“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.” ~ Bette Davis
“Love well, whip well.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
I had to apologize to my grown-up daughter this past week. Sometimes its not as easy a thing to remember that she’s not a little girl anymore. There are still a few things I’m going to put my foot down for, but for the most part, I still understand that she’s got to make her own mistakes. In those areas, I try to back off. She’s got her own life to live. She’s got her own decisions to make. She’s got her own family to take care of as she and her husband feel is best. There’s a good side and a bad side to that though. I’ll let her make the call on decisions in her life now (most times). She’s an adult. Even when I know she’s not making the best choice, its still her’s to make. At the same time, I’m also going to let her stand on her own two feet and buy her own friggin’ CAMERA!
Yeah, little Miss Pretty is now in school for photography. I didn’t find out about it til she’d already enrolled. I wasn’t exactly all that pleased at the idea. I already know this isn’t such an easy thing to do. Its expensive as hell if you want to be good at it and earn a living from it. But I want to still respect her and give in to the fact that she’s her own person now. That’s what she’s telling me. She’s well into her first month of school and reality has set in fairly well. I’m giving her respect by letting her stand on her own two feet. AND I’m going to further show her respect by letting her pay for it all. Sure, I loaned her a camera. I’m not a parental beast…but the operative word is LOAN. It starts with an “L”, that makes a *Lah* sound. Granted, it may sound like OWN, but it is not. It is “LAH- oan”. Now she’s realizing all the other cost factors involved…like LENSES. I let her use my 50mm 1.8 and it was all good at first. But now, guess who’s the only one in the class that doesn’t have a zoom! And lets not forget this school requires a Mac laptop. Yeah, it just keeps adding up. Ha! Its so precious. Much better than an “I told you so.” (is that mean?)
I had to apologize, because I recognized I was wrong for sort of snapping at her for calling me in the middle of her homework assignment to ask about camera operations. Now for me, I would have read the manual thoroughly before I had a gig to do. I would have familiarized myself with the basic functions. I don’t expect her to know everything. I don’t know everything about my camera, but I do know the main stuff that I use on a regular basis. Everything else, I keep the book handy. So I may have chastised her just a little, but only to emphasis how important it is to be prepared. Soon afterwards, I realized that I went about it the wrong way. I don’t want her to NOT call me up when she needs help. If your dad’s a photog you should be able to call for help, you would think. I want her to stand on her own two feet…yes, but a little helping hand isn’t a bad thing. Besides, its cool when you can talk photo with your kid. The other day she called me up while she was driving home and she was telling me about how she can’t look out her window without seeing elements of the scenery as exposures and how she might correct or adjust the camera to compensate. All I could say was, “Welcome to my world.” I don’t look at exposures so much as I do compositions. Every where I go and everything I look at, I’m composing. One thing I can say I’m sort of jealous for her about is the fact that she’s picked up photo at the time her own little daughter is born. These are her shots of my Grand-kid.
I don’t know how many of you liked the “Wizard of Oz”, but this animated parody if funny!
Okay, how about something a little unorthodox… Can you handle a whole day of talk about VAGINAS?
Dr. Virginia Braun, Psychology Dept, Univ of Auckland, New Zealand
Sunday was a most interesting day for me. Model, Samantha invited me to a women’s conference on Sunday at UNLV called, “Framing the Vulva: Genital Cosmetic Surgery and Genital Diversity“. Sam and I have had extensive discussions on the matter and she thought I might be interested in attending this conference. It was put on by UNLV and the New View Campaign, who has a slogan that says: Challenging the Medicalization of Sex.
The goal of the New View Campaign is to expose biased research and promotional methods that serve corporate profit rather than people’s pleasure and satisfaction. The Campaign challenges all views that reduce sexual experience to genital biology and thereby ignore the many dimensions of real life.
Morning plenary session, 150 attendee
I gotta tell you it was quite enlightening. Over the years, I’ve had situations where several models have confided in me about horrid stories regarding the way they look “down there”. The conferences main focus this weekend was addressing the negative perception women have about their vaginas that lead them to undergo cosmetic surgery called labiaplasty which is the surgical removal or trimming of the labia minora. I won’t go into detail here, but I could share with you a myriad of stories of women as young girls who were traumatized either throughout their childhood or at least at some point in their lives for having labia that hangs out or extends past the vulva more than what some women might deem as being normal. In addition to these experiences, I’ve had sex classes in college both from a sociological perspective and psychological. So these topics of discussion were not new to me, but it was still interesting to see some of the more recent empirical research and data on this topic.
Dr. Marta Meana, Prof of Psychology, UNLV. Afternoon workshop
“Ewww Factor” Workshop, Dr. Meana, UNLV
2nd Afternoon Workshop “Empowerment Through
Vulva Photography”
The main reason this conference was held was actually as a COUNTER-conference to the Cosmetic Vaginal Surgery Conference that was held this weekend at the Venetian Hotel and Casino which hosted people in the medical profession that promote labiaplasty and other cosmetic surgery of the genitals. This organization points out that there is more commercialization of these procedures as opposed to actual treatment with the individual in mind. They DO NOT like Dr. David Matlock, who you may have seen on Dr. 90210 and the View. He’s even got new procedures now that give you a Brazilian Butt. One procedure that was new to me was a means of restoring the pink color back to the labia. We were also presented with lots of great input on why women do this, but the primary focus has been on the societal pressure to appear as the women you see in print media for the pornography industry where depictions of the vagina are on constant display however the trend is for the “clean and neat” vaginas which mean the inner lips are small and are not as visible. Some of the research I didn’t totally agree with and some could have been better, but for the most part, they were informative. Discussions during the first half of the day included, Embracing Genital Diversity, Pleasure and Sex Ed, Art Activism, “Retail Medicine”, and a critical view of the conference at the Venetian.
Photographer/Sexologist and “Petals” author, Nick Karras,
along with Carolina Ramos and Sayaka Adachi
Sexologist, Sayaka Adachi of San Diego during the
Vulva Photography Afternoon Workshop
For me, the more interesting part of the day was the afternoon sessions where we broke up into separate workshops of which we could select 2 of the 6 activism workshops available. My first session was the “Eww Factor: Clinical Reflections on the Role of Vulva Dissatisfaction/Disgust” done by Dr. Marta Meana, Professor of Psychology, UNLV. My second workshop was “Empowerment through Vulva Photography” which focused on the artwork of photographer/sexologist, Nick Karras who authored, “Petals“. Nick was accompanied by Carolina Ramos, Program Director, Latino Services, San Diego LGBT Community Center. Also leading this workshop was Sayaka Adachi, clinical sexologist and orgasm coach also in San Diego. About 150 people attended the conference. It was also a different twist when one of the participants gave some excellent points with reference to how Christians might look at this issue. There is really just too much information that I’m almost tempted to get into, but I think the basics will suffice rather than breaking down the details of each class, topic, and bullet points. Anybody with more interest can visit some of the sites and links or just contact me for more details. Thanks Sam for the invite.
“We might need to see you without your bra, he told me. I was 14… I didn’t even have breasts yet.”
~ Sara Ziff, supermodel
This is not Sara Ziff
I know I wanted to keep Tara, The Organic Sister‘s post up for a spell, but I didn’t mean for it to be this long before I posted again. I’ve got a couple projects I’m working on and am behind, actually, so that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Okay…Update…
Got to chill out with the incomparable Dave Rudin last week. That’s was cool. I took him around some of my stomping grounds near Red Rock to scout out some locations for a shoot, which didn’t happen. That was still okay. It just didn’t work out timing-wise with the model who was traveling through Vegas. Dave still got to shoot another local girl while he was here. Breakfast, as always was at The Original Pancake House and I had my same old French Toast. We also got to head out to Valley of Fire since Dave hadn’t been there in a long time. I thought I was going to have to take it easy on the guy, but hell, not only did he keep up, but he was out-pacing me at times! It was good to see him again. I guess its my turn to head back to New York for a change. Let me just go book a ticket right now…
Hysterically, I just popped over to Dave’s Blog. He’s basically already done yesterday the same thing I’m doing today only he’s posting shots of me and also regales his adventures while here. I just wanted to point out that it was by mere coincidence that we are at the movies both wearing red shirts. Just thought I’d clear that up. COINCIDENCE!
Dave must have forgotten that he can’t be a Vulcan.
All Vulcan’s names begin with a letter “S”.
(I apologize for knowing that.)
I’m hoping to find the new autobiographical documentary by supermodel, Sara Ziff called, “Picture Me: A Model’s Diary“. What started out as personal videos has turned into a full on feature length movie where she gives some insight into the darker side of the modeling industry. This following is an exerpt from Sheila Marikar’s article, “As Fashion Week Trots On, New Documentary Exposes Exploitation Behind the Scenes“, 16Sept2010
“Picture Me” follows Sara Ziff, a New Yorker who started modeling at age 14, over five years of falling in and out of love with the fashion industry. She struts for Calvin Klein, Chanel and Marc Jacobs; she poses in London, Paris and Milan. But backstage footage of Ziff and her friends (shot by Ziff and her then-boyfriend, filmmaker Ole Schell) reveals realities of the job that few outsiders ever see: models crying as shameless photographers snap them semi-nude, stylists pulling at scalps and tugging at limbs as if their subjects were Barbie dolls.”
Dave Rudin, just messin’ around
I found this 2009 interview by Louise France, for The Observer to be most intriguing. Its like she’s a whistle-blower on the entire industry and is leaving no one without guilt, though she doesn’t name names. I’m imagining that the more this documentary is publicized, the more investigative work that will be done and then those names will be revealed. Some type of federal intervention will ensue, maybe some prosecutions (because she details sexual assault), and then possibly a congressional oversight committee will be established to create some rules called the Sara Ziff Laws under which the Fashion Models Guild will be created to unionize the business. So there’s plenty of controversy regarding Sara’s documentary and the motives that cause her to shine the light on an industry that has made her wealthy and internationally known. When I do get to see it, I’ll be sure to review it here, on PHOTO ANTHEMS BLOG, so stay tuned. In the meantime, here is another Sara Ziff interview done by Mother Jones.
On a much more solemn note, I wish to express my condolences to the family of photo peer, Scott Leighty who died last weekend of a massive heart attack or a stroke. He was a member of a photo society I help run and also worked at my favorite camera store here in Las Vegas, B&C Camera.
Every now and again, you run into somebody that who truly epitomizes the human spirit. I initially wanted to describe that as the American spirit, but I gotta say this person goes a little bit beyond that. This isn’t so much about national pride as it is about simply a good and responsible human being. I like Tara on 4 different levels. First, I was attracted to her head. She a pretty girl and all, but she’s got dreads that make for a good picture. So, yeah, I’m thinking like a photographer first. She used to be a member of a photo society I belong to and I could never lock down a commitment to shoot her. Now she’s not here. Everything else I learned about her came after she left. So secondly, I gotta say I admire her boldness to go forth on the road and experience life as she and her family saw fit. Screw normality. She’s making her own rules. Third, she’s someone who sincerely cares about our planet. I dig that. And fourthly, (if that’s really a word), she’s a damn good photographer. You can read about her journey and adventures on her blog, The Organic Sister.
So please help me welcome TARA WAGNER to the show…..**APLAUSE**
Hello Tara. Give me a little bit on who you are and why you’re on the road. My name is Tara Wagner. I’m married to Justin and mama to an 11 year old son, Zeb. We currently travel full-time in a “vintage” (my alternative to the word “old”) Winnebago […that would be Benny] converted to run on waste veggie oil and solar power. We made the transition to full-time travel after Justin found out he was facing a layoff last year in Las Vegas. Our goal is to eventually find a new home to “settle back down” and just enjoy the hell out of life while we can.
As it pertains to your 2 goals, how will you know when you find home and what have you absorbed on the road so far? We have a list of criteria in finding a new home, most of it pertaining to our dream of building an off-grid home. So things like rainfall minimums, flexible building requirements and fertile soil are high on the list. We also care deeply about great homeschool laws, local communities and resources, low taxes, etc. But ultimately, I think we’ll just “know”.
As for what we’ve absorbed, it’s impossible to describe. We’ve learned so much about ourselves and each other, things you just can’t learn without ample free time and new scenarios and subcultures pushing you outside your comfort zone. A big part for me has been the understanding that my sense of security has nothing to do with my surroundings; it’s an inner sense of comfort and home that I think we’ve all begun to tap into.
How long have you been on the road now and how long do you think you’ll continue to do this? We left Las Vegas March 5th of this year with the understanding that we’d give this one year before making any permanent decisions. The last 6 months have been amazing and although we still plan to reevaluate this lifestyle next March, I think we’re all gravitating toward continuing some form of travel to some extent long-term. Whether that means staying on the road full-time for several years, or being “snow-birds”, we’re not yet sure. Mostly we’re just really enjoying living in this moment.
Where exactly do you think you’ll be in 5 years? 15? You know, we used to have a 5 year plan, determined down to the month! We’re now really enjoying being unplanned; it’s a pretty new thing for us. I’d like to see us continue traveling for as long as that feels right and then settling down into an off-grid home or eco-community of some sort when the timing works out.
What’s been your most memorable moment so far? And one you’d like to forget? So. Many. Moments. I think some of my favorite moments have been just driving down the road. There is something magical about having your feet on the dash, listening to Free Bird and watching the world flash by the window. It’s liberating to feel the sense of timelessness and endless possibilities. As for the ones we’d like to forget, we have a few Events Which Shall Not Be Named. Most of them involve rain, a fairly new phenomenon to those of us from Vegas.
I remember when you were in our photo group in Vegas, you had the Un-rules thing. Explain Un-schoolers.
Unschooling is based on a philosophy of trust, respect, unconditional love and a passionate pursuit of one’s interest. It tends to explain an educational philosophy that says coerced learning isn’t real learning and that true education happens through self-teaching or “autodidactism”. As unschoolers, we trust the natural curiosity of children and their interests to lead them to every “subject” they will need to thrive in their life. We haven’t found a need for things like textbooks and test scores; we’ve seen that learning happens naturally as a by-product of living an interesting life.
We consider ourselves Whole Life Unschoolers, mainly for lack of a better term. This means everything we do is filtered through those principles of trust, respect, love and passion and is applied to every aspect of our life, from “work”, to our health and relationships.
So what have you been doing lately with photography? Do you have any fave artists? Having fun. 🙂 I always kinda felt in order to make money as a photographer I had to a) shoot portraits and b) be professional. But neither of those appeal to me. So instead I’m goofing off. I’m climbing on trains or shooting from the hip. I’m learning and stumbling and surprising myself. It feels pretty damn amazing to be a self-taught photographer with my photographs hanging internationally.
As for my favorite artists, I tend to enjoy the everyday people the most. It’s the mamas and papas and kids just doing their thing, capturing the common and the absolute and the magical bits of life.
How does Zeb like it on the road? Zeb loves the new things we’ve discovered like Jr Ranger Badges and meeting new friends. He likes visiting family we rarely get to see and visiting zoos and museums. He likes chilling out with a game or book too. And he’s met some amazing people who have inspired him to do some amazing things. But sometimes it’s hard to find kids to connect with and he misses his friends in Vegas, as we all do. Some days he’s ready to settle back down and some days he can’t imagine ever stopping. We’ll see what next March brings. 🙂
What was your childhood like socially and academically? I was a pretty quirky, independent kid. Mismatched socks and a serious sense of that I could rule the country if they’d only vote for a 10 year old. Academically, I loved to learned (and still do) but got bored easily. Thankfully my mom supported my decision to leave school and learn on my own, although we hadn’t heard about unschooling and didn’t have much support. It was a very empowering decision, however, and I’m very grateful for the opportunity .
Do your and Justin’s folks like what you guys are doing? I hope so! 🙂 All of our family has been incredibly supportive. They all brought up legitimate concerns for us to consider but overall have been very supportive and encouraging.
I have a Pontiac Grand Am. Could Justin convert it to WVO? How’s Benny?
Justin can convert almost any diesel engine to run on waste veggie oil (WVO); some diesel engines don’t take well to the conversion. Benny loves his conversion! He actually runs better on veg than diesel. Overall, for such an old engine and for how long it sat unused, we’ve been amazingly blessed. He is a bit leaky, but then so are many 28 year olds. 😉
What is “beyond green”? I tend to see “green” as the trendy stuff, the stuff that should be an obvious, like recycled paper or organic foods. It’s the stuff that’s easy to greenwash. Beyond green is not just what is “environmentally-friendly”, it’s also what is sustainable; what can last generations to come without worrying about dwindling resources or environmental impact. Things like permaculture instead of agriculture, solar and wind instead of nuclear or so-called “clean coal,” relocalizing communities instead of globalization.
Helen Keller. What does her quote you use mean to you and how does she inspire you? I love quotes. And I love Helen Keller’s story of beating the odds, doing more than people expected of her, living an amazing life against what other people would call “the odds”. Her quote, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing,” is a reminder to myself to beat my own odds, to live brave and to do the things I will later regret not doing. I don’t think I’m here to sit quietly, to work a job I hate, to live a life without purpose. Like Emile Zola said, “If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, I will answer you: “I am here to live out loud”
Who else are your present day people you admire and are inspired by? I’m inspired by the people who push their own boundaries; the people who question and rethink the norm and consciously choose their own answers (whether they choose the norm or not). I’m inspired by people who inspire themselves, who live their dreams and don’t settle. I’ve met so many amazing people on the road, people who deserve to have their stories told, and do what they do regardless of a lack of recognition simply because it’s what they love. I’m inspired by the people who give with conditions, both to others and themselves; people who are doing amazing things just because they know they can; people who genuinely want others to do the same. That’s the kind of person I want to be.
You sure have a lot of followers. What do you think they expect from you? I hope they expect me to be authentic, because that’s what I am regardless. My blog is my creative outlet, my personal journey and my way of connecting to some really amazing people. I love that! And I love that it inspires those people just as much as I’ve been inspired by other bloggers. I love blogging; it’s a truly amazing form of connection.
What’s next for you and your family? Life! It’s pretty exciting. 🙂
How can we help? Subscribe to my blog! Buy my photography! Send me love notes! Tell us about some cool place we should visit! Invite us to dinner! We’d never turn down foot rubs and gluten-free cookies either. 😉
So that’s Tara, folks. Although she might not say it, I’m going to let you know how else you can also help. DONATIONS! As you can see from her latest blog post, old Benny broke down (and in the pic above) there was no calling a regular tow truck to come help. That’s the more expensive kind. So maybe you can help with repairs for Benny. She’s got a Paypal button on the sidebar of her blog. You may have to scroll a bit, or you can just click *HERE*. So help a Sista out. This is a hippie-chick with purpose and she’s on a mission that benefits you too! At the very least, send her a note and let her know you support her. Show yo’ love folks.
Thanks Tara for the interview. Say hi to Justin, Zeb, and Benny!
All photos related to his post are copyrighted by Tara Wagoner or Sara Janssen (Tara’s Portrait), so please respect their copyrights.
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
— Dave Rudin quoting Albert Einstein to me this past week.
Lissa…she may have been the first grandmother
I ever worked with
This post could actually be titled “Observations of Self, Part II”, now that I see what I’ve written. I had something else in mind to write about, but this came up instead. A model, that I hadn’t shot in a while, and I were talking recently and she suggested that I’m an entirely different photographer. Though miles and miles separate us now, she feels she’d like to shoot with me again just to experience this difference first hand. I hadn’t worked with her since I my film days and she brought up some of our conversations that I certainly didn’t remember, but can’t deny because I knew my line of thought back then. She asked why I had changed so much and said that it bordered on the radical. I countered with a premise suggesting that the change is more due to an evolutionary trend in my work, but she still disagreed. I guess I can see her point, as she began to elegantly make her case.
Point 1: I shoot digital instead of film now and there is much more “added” to my photos than just the shot as is.
This is indeed a big change for a photog. The to different mediums are opposite in many ways. One is analog and the other is not. You shoot entirely different in digital when you expose for light. In film, more info was in the shadows whereas digital the majority of the greater info is towards the right side of the histogram. Well, I don’t need to give you a lecture on the differences of digital vs. film. For me the biggest change was in my post work, the editing. I went from an intimate knowledge of film processing back to square one with having to learn new edit techniques using Photoshop. At some point, I guess, I had expressed my distaste for digital work, mainly because of my love for the darkroom. At this point in time, I am beginning to get into my groove with darkroom manipulations, following some of the examples of Jerry Ulesmann, but also some of my own original ideas, playing with textures, double exposures, and sandwiched negatives. I was using fabrics, translucent gels, chemical tones, paint, and other materials to vary up some of my designs. Doing this via a computer just seemed like cheating and took away the craftsmanship. I argued that if Michaelangelo had used computers to design and carve out his statue of David, he’d be considered a renowned engineer, not an artist.
This is a darkroom manipulation, done with a distressed fabric
overlay fitted in the enlarger and chemical toning. Model, Elizabeth
I guess, I’ve seen the light now and have begun to pick up where I left off from the darkroom. Now I use layers and masks to do the same thing in Photoshop with the help of a few other key plug-ins. There is still a measure of craftsmanship that is lost, I think, because I am not doing this with my hands anymore, but then again, there’s so much more that I am doing that I couldn’t do before. I love using layers and textured backgrounds. I particularly have a penchant for distressed papers or parchments that I can overlay an image on, add another texture at varying opacities, and then border it with a vignette or something. I’m limited only by my ability to imagine and envision a project. I can always find a way to create it, even if it takes me all day. I’ve worked for more than 12 hours straight on a particular effect that just wasn’t coming out right which is the same as I’d do in a darkroom, only I’d be going through a box of paper and chemicals in the process. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to refresh exhausted developers and fixers on a single image just for a desired effect.
Point 2: I’ve got models in much more bold poses than I ever did before.
A bold Lissa
This is definitely another true point. This model mentioned how, at the time of our sessions, I’d strongly reconsider working with a model if she was clean-shaven, meaning no pubic hair whatsoever. Now, I have some women showing all their pride and glory. The first part of that statement is not totally accurate. I did sort of start out that way, but quickly realized that since many models were shaved clean, I could accept it or quit it. I shot many shaved models with film. I can’t deny the latter part of her point. Rarely did I do a shot that was too bold in the beginning. I might be a grown man, but hey…my Mama still sees this stuff! I’m in my forties now, and I still got a call at 2am when she discovered one of my shots. This was just earlier this year! No, my goal isn’t to start doing porn, but in many of my sessions, I take what the model gives me. I still place the model and direct her as needed, but I like to let her do her thing. Some are simply more bold than others and they may pose more explicitly than someone else who is a little more reserved. Samantha immediately comes to mind. We did recent work in which she doesn’t mind everything being out there, but you don’t see her doing anything suggestive.
More conservative, Melanie
A model once told me quite censoring myself and shoot the nude and quit omitting parts of the nude. Its all or nothing. Well, I am sure there are varying opinions of that notion. Many well respected models shoot nudes and never give you a hint of what lies beneath. Others with just as equal respect have no problem with it. I got a comment from one woman who thought showing a woman’s secret was disgusting. Other women applauded me. At the very least, I don’t mind doing shots like this if I can take the element of sex out of it. Impossible, you say? Maybe…but many see sex in a shot of bare breasts. It’s all in the way you present it. I’d rather one see the art behind it, more so than experience a need for a release. If anything, I’m illustrating the model’s expression of her saying, “This is me…deal with it.” I don’t want to deliver an image by which the model is trying to seduce you. With that said, I do want to sometime present an erotic series at some point, but again, heavy on the art, light on the sexual emphasis. I shoot life. Sex is a part of life…an essential part, actually, but as of yet, I don’t think I have the ability just yet to illustrate sex in art without it becoming pornographic. So despite some of the more explicit poses I shoot, I still draw a line.
Point 3: My Model Choices
Model, Lissa
Now this is one point, I know I can disagree with. The model’s initial suggestion was that I only shot girls that were glamorous, but in a non-glamor fashion. What she meant was that I shot women who were perfect 10s only I didn’t add in the make-up, hair, and other adornments. Now she sees the older women and women of various sizes. Well, I did shoot petite and well-developed women but I never restricted myself to women like that. I think she missed the large woman with the tattoos that I worked with and she didn’t know about the couple in their 50s that I shot on their back wood estate as a commission. She likes the recent work I’ve done with Joanie, but I had to correct her in that one of my first pieces that I considered great was of another woman similar to Joanie. (I only have mounted prints of that model with no scans). She saw that I now have Black women in my portfolio…few, but still some. Again, I did shoot one Black woman early on in my film days. Shooting the Sistas ain’t easy. Its HARD to get a black woman to pose nude. I thought being a Black photog, it would be a cinch! Ahh, no… That’s a hard sell. Well, its at least been so with me. Most attribute it to upbringing, but I am sure there are other reasons why as well, but this blog post is already getting lengthy.
Model, Lissa
I like intriguing women of all various shapes and sizes. I won’t say I can shoot anybody, but my range is pretty wide. I weigh my selection of models by what’s on the inside of them just as well as what they look like on the outside, if not more so. Attitude goes a long way. In my art, my concentration is on form and shape and what I might be able to do with it using light and shadow, as well as how it interacts or balances with the surrounding area. I can get shapes out of most any model by positioning them, using angles, and in how they are lit. I actually shy away from most glamor shots. Its not my thing. As natural as possible is the way I like to shoot. Exceptions about here and there, but that’s primarily it. I gravitate toward the imperfections. Scars, tats…I can work with that. Some of my first models had perfect bodies, but its not anything I needed and I think that’s a contributing factor of why potential models are more comfortable with me. They can see themselves in my work more so than they can a photog who’s port is filled with glamor and fashion.
So I know I’ve changed and I’ve blogged on this before. I still see it as more of an evolution than becoming a totally different photographer. This model whom you’ve probably never seen before, is someone I’d love another crack at. You haven’t seen her because I have a standing agreement that no images can be on the web. It was one of my first agreements like that, before I had a blog, website, or any online profiles. I can exhibit her prints in a contest or gallery, but the web is a no-go. I no longer make those agreements! Also, I thought I’d throw in another “How It Should Have Ended” short clip. This one parodies, “Inception“.
“Optimist only sees doughnut. Pessimist sees hole.”
– Charlie Chan in Paris (1935)
I think I’ll make this an on-going series. I did my first Observations of Self a year ago and I thought it went really nice. I liked it better than when I interviewed myself. I came to close to risking dissociative identity disorder while doing that. (Feel free to check it out again.) But just a general review of simple observations can’t really hurt. They will always start with something I observe but then the series mixes up a little after that and will reflect something I thought was interesting or otherwise noteworthy. I at least want it to reflect somebody I meet, something I read, or someplace I went. Sooo….
Something I Observed
I was on my way to a dinner the other night and figured I’d stop at the nearby Whole Food’s Market to pick up a bottle of wine as requested. The parking lot is full of automobiles that are of much better quality than mine. Most of the people who shop here are of a tab bit high social status than myself. In addition, I’ve got the dustiest car within a mile radius. I spend too much time out in the wilderness to be washing my car that much. But after I observed this, I next saw an elderly gentleman, walking slowly up the row of cars looking disoriented. I could also see that he held is car remote down to his side and was pressing it repeatedly. I knew that meant that he had lost his car, but I never know how anybody’s going to respond to me asking them if they need help. As a large black man in an exclusive white environment, I tend to tread lightly in those situations. Some of you might think I’m over-reacting playing the overbearing and tired old race card, but I’d have to frankly say kiss my ass. I’ve been in the same situation where a woman screamed her head off and pleaded with me not to hurt her. This was only a few years ago and she was stranded on the side of the road. I could see if I was rollin’ up in a old Cutlass, Impala, or a low-riding Chevy Caprice, but I was in a white minivan, dressed in a 3-piece suit, getting off of work at the bank. Everybody isn’t as progressive as some others and you never know what a person might come to believe in times of stress and duress. So since they don’t carry a sign that says, “I may be frightened by Black people”, I approach carefully. Or I could just ignore people in need, I guess.
Model Clarissa
Now back to my story. Where was I…oh, yes…I kept my distance from the man and asked if he had lost his car. He was hard of hearing, so I approached a little closer and repeated myself more loudly. He affirmed that he had indeed misplaced himself. He considered that the car may have been stolen because he was absolutely certain that he parked right up front where we were. After about 10 mins, this parking lot was getting hot, but I still could not find his car. The thought occurred to me that he could have been disoriented with respect to how far he may have walked to the car, so from the place he thought he had parked, I just went back to the far end of the lot. Sure enough, it was there…his silver Camry. He begged to differ and insisted that it was not his. I had to run back out there get the licence and verify with him again. It was his. He couldn’t believe that he had walked that far from his car to the store. Lesson: I’ve seen this quite often. Pay attention to the elderly people in the parking lots and see if they need help.
Someone I Met Alex. Alex is an Argentinian Christian who was wondering the park looking to pray for people or tell people about Christ. This happened this past Sunday, late afternoon as I was visiting with a client that I’ll be doing some work for shortly. She and I had just walked all over Sunset Park here in Vegas and had stopped for a spell and sat down on one of the covered picnic tables. There was a large Mexican family about 50 feet next to us. Part of their group, about 4 men, were kicking a soccer ball back and forth to our front. It was getting late at this point, when Alex and another guy who’s name escapes me, approached us and said hello. I thought he was just passing through and that would be it, but then he started in on how wonderful a day it was. I noticed the Bible in his hand and his peer had one too. My first guess was that he was Jehovah’s Witness, but I also had to take into consideration that he may have been someone dishonest like a swindler or pickpocket…nothing dangerous, but someone who might try to distract you and take your belongings.
Fortunately, Alex was on the up and up. He talked to us for a bit. We conversed back. When he asked to pray for us, I figured, “…who can say they are well enough that they need no more prayer in their life”. So Alex prayed, said his good-byes and God bless, then he was on his way to the next family. I didn’t close my eyes during the prayer, but I still received it. Who can turn down prayer? But at the same time, you can’t be too cautious. Anyway, Thanks Alex from Argentina.
Something I Read I know this might seem a little off-beat, but it sure surprised the hell out of me. I mean, maybe you all knew the deal and I was just behind the times or just merely among the ignorant. Yesterday, I just now found out that Charlie Chan wasn’t even Chinese! I’m not talking about Jackie Chan…(granted, that would probably be a bigger surprise if we found out Jackie Chan was really Canadian.) I’m talking Charlie Chan from way back in the 1920’s and 30’s. Okay, some of you may have no idea who I am referring to. You don’t see much of his work running in syndication right now, but when I was coming up, it was still a big late night or Saturday morning gig. Charlie Chan was the Asian Sherlock Holmes. He and his “Number One Son” would go around solving crimes. He was a Honolulu police detective, but he also took his show on the road internationally. There are more than 40 feature films that were made, and the more popular ones were done by actor Warner Oland. He’s the only Charlie Chan I know although there may have been about 6, (none of them Chinese). Now who knows of any Chinese guy named WARNER much less OLAND. He’s Swedish and attributes his success to his mongoloid features. He did not speak any Chinese (Mandarin or any other dialect). His linguistics consisted of only English and the tongue of his homeland. Nevertheless, he was still popular in China. I don’t know if they knew of his origins, but maybe they did. You have to remember both Blacks people and Asians are still trying to find their place in Hollywood cinema that didn’t include the negative stereotypical connotations that saddled them during this time.
“Interpretations of Chan by critics are split, especially as relates to his ethnicity. Positive interpretations of Chan argue that he is portrayed as intelligent, benevolent, and honorable, in contrast to most depictions of Chinese at the time the character was created. Others argue that Chan, despite his good qualities, reinforces Chinese stereotypes such as poor English grammar, and is overly subservient in nature.”
– Wikipedia
One last thing I want to draw your attention to is the new link on the right, “The Organic Sister” which is the blog of a friend of mine who decided to hit the road with her family in a big RV. How do you describe her? Well, I guess, just like her blog title says…straight up organic, but she’s a sistTER, not a sisTA. She’s really big on growing her own stuff, though not necessarily in her RV. She had a garden here in Vegas. She a green girl through and through, some may say hippie-ish, but I like hippies. She’s got a beautiful head. We were never quite able to lock down a portrait session together, but I really wanted to capture her head…really nice dreads on a beautiful face. I don’t think her hubby will mind me saying that. But the biggest thing is that she’s become an incredible photographer! I’ll be doing an interview with her soon, so stay tuned. In the meantime, go visit her link…Here it is again, in case you just don’t feel like scrolling up a few lines for the previous link. The Organic Sister.
Hope you enjoy the pics of Clarissa from a few years ago. I thought I’d also include this video parody my favorite, “The Lord of the Rings”. Its titled, “The Lord of the Rings: How it Should Have Ended” (Click the link if you can’t see the vid.) Its only a couple of minutes long, but funny.
Sometime last year, I made the call to stop doing nudes for a while. It actually may have been the year before and I was just settling down in 2009 as I still finished up some promised gigs. Oh-9 got pretty darn hectic which also made slowing down easy… to a crawl in fact. I was working a job with the State that took up a really good chunk of my time. I wasn’t shooting anything of much during that spell. There were other projects that kept me busy and some that threw me for a loop. Up til recently, I’ve worked with 2 models since October of last year. Before then, for all of 2009, I may have worked with 5 total models.
Rework of 2007 version of Dana
I’m not stopping my nude work ever again. This has been the pits getting started back up again. As I said, I’ve worked with 2 models this year and they were both by request. That sort of jump started me to getting back in the game again, but now I realize just how rusty I am at it. Since March, I’m pretty sure I’ve had at least 7 maybe 8 models that expressed an interest in doing some work after I initiated the contact and asked them for their consideration. Actually, I should down play that number a bit. Three come to mind who were also ones that contacted me first. All of them however have backed out, for one reason or another. Two chose to not model for anyone at all. One had a husband that objected. One was in school and between working and a toddler, just no longer had the time. Two gave no real reason other than to say they had a change of heart on the matter. Only one was just absolutely rude and wasted my time, by being a no-show twice. I’m not making good selections.
Rework of 2007 version of Elizabeth
Models I’ve worked with in the past have also not panned out for different reasons, whether that be no time to do it, no longer doing nudes, or they moved away like two Brittanys have done this year. One to New Jersey and another to New Orleans. Good Gracious! What’s a photog to do? Keep at it, I guess. Part of the problem has been mine. Aside from quiting doing nudes to begin with, I no longer cultivated the relationships I already had nor did I try to build fresh relationships. I have a tendency to stop looking for new models when I get one that I really click with and get great material. Then when that model isn’t available, I’m stuck without anybody to call up. I noticed that last week sometime. I can go through my phone contacts and there’s no one to call as opposed to the options I had when I got her in 2007. I know I had listened to some friends who told me they wanted to see more of my work besides just nudes, which is understandable. I don’t solely shoot naked women. I’m very proud of my other artistic endeavors as well, especially emotive portraits, landscapes, and abstracts. I love shooting, period. However…Nudes are my thing. Take away a painter’s brushes and canvases and see how he feels. Leave a musician without his instruments and see how she behaves after a month. Granted, no one has taken away my camera. So rather, I should say tell the jazz musician he can only play bluegrass.
A simulated scream, Samantha
My point is that I need to stick to my core. I can do everything else as well, but I can’t give up my core. It doesn’t matter if my core doesn’t make me money or win me critical acclaim. It doesn’t matter that my nudes won’t see a mag cover or centerfold. Its not hanging up on exhibit in exclusive art galleries. The Bellagio Art Gallery has not extended that offer to me yet. Will they ever? Who’s to say. The good thing is that I don’t do my nudes for recognition from the Bellagio. I do it for me and my model. I care not who else likes or appreciates it. If I achieve the objective I set out for in my head and the model likes what is produced then that mission was a success. I don’t want to be in this spot again. While I don’t need a bunch of models, I’ll make sure I keep relationships cultivated. I’d rather have one to shoot all the time, but even when that one isn’t available, there needs to be somebody on the depth charts. The rejections and the change of hearts is just part of the cost of doing business. All this used to come really easy to me and I let it go. I’ll get it back.
….Patience, Grasshoppa…
“One of these things is not like the other”, Joanie
On another note, I’m killing the ability to make anonymous comments on this blog for a while. I’ve come up on somebody’s spam list and I hate getting all excited about a comment that shows up in my inbox only to find that its spam. That blows. So rather than do the word verification, I’ll try this for a while. So, you don’t have to have a Blogger ID to comment, but you can’t be unknown.
Interestingly enough, yesterday, another guy and myself where commenting on a nude image that was a “behind the scene” type shot. My eyes were drawn to the camera the photographer was using. It was a 50MP Hasselblad H3DII-50. I stated that I wasn’t sure why it was necessary to use a $50,000 camera for this shoot and I brought up the fact that there were no elaborate light set-up, no dramatic color scheme that needed the extra capture potential, and the model wasn’t especially made up by a make-up artist. The other guy responded, “Dude, you do see the nakkid chick in the picture, right?”
I’ve been on some meds lately that have made me tired, lethargic, and basically wanting to just sit on my ass. I try not to do much driving and will relegate my endeavors to quick runs within a few miles of the house. It seems like I can be wide awake one sec and then feel a powerful urge to lay my butt down the next. If I know I have to drive some distance to make an appointment of something, I’ll quit the meds that day and handle my business. One thing its given me an opportunity to do is catch up on some movies. I might make it through a show or I might not, but I can always restart it where I last remember a scene. Some of these include watching trilogies, like The Matrix trilogies. However, the ones I appreciate the most are the ones I remember loving when I was a kid. I was watching a space documentary…I love documentaries, especially on space… and one of them about relative size of celestial objects used the theme song from the 1979 hit, “The Black Hole”. Many kids can attribute their love for space research and exploration to Star Trek or Star Wars. For me, it was The Black Hole.
“Dark Profile” Model Brittany Sutton
I am a big follower of both Star Trek and Star Wars. In fact, I might add that to my list…to watch the double Star Wars Trilogies. Nonetheless, both these movies still felt like fictional Sci-Fi. I don’t believe there is an actual “Force”, at least not as portrayed by Star Wars. Star Trek could actually be a reality someday. In fact, there’s a documentary called, “How William Shatner Changed the World”. Still, I don’t see that as my reality. The Black Hole, on the other hand, is. My curiosity was piqued to a level off the charts for a little kid. The problem was, that I didn’t have Wikipedia, Goggle, or the Internet. We had a library, but information was still limited and much that we knew about Black Holes was still trickling down from the big brains, which meant they were speaking way over my head. Einstein kicked off the idea in the early 1900’s but several more scientists, including Hawking, would have to work clear into the 70’s before we could really skim the surface of understanding them. Its only been recently, since we’ve actually been able to see the visual effects of one, since we can’t truly see them.
I love studying the physics of stars and one can’t help but to wonder what happens inside a super massive black hole with time and space being twisted and warped as it is. Normal laws no longer apply, but you’d think there’s gotta be something that governs these things. They are the most destructive forces in the universe. Something has to explain them as more than just God’s trash cans. Then again, could it really be just that simple? In the movie, the space researchers were able to come out the other side of the Oblivion after some really freaky special affects. Speaking of which, those kinds of effects could never fly today. That was one of my premier thoughts while watching the film. Back in the day, there were state of the art movie effects. Kids today laugh at such ancient movie antics. I still enjoyed it, though and am trying to think about other shows I could enjoy again. Not everything will work again. I know I loved the Benji series, but I ain’t watching any more Benji, now. Some things are simply good when you’re a kid.
“Forward to Make Peace”, Model Brittany Sutton
I recently posted a shot of Brittany Sutton and these images are a few more. She’s not longer in Vegas, which sucks for me, but is evidently good for her. I’ve also included this short clip that I mentioned earlier that uses the theme song from The Black Hole. You should definitely check it out. The Earth is like an atom to some of these stars. Talk about HUGE! You can also watch a complete documentary on Black Holes with this link: How the Universe Works: Black Holes. For now, click on the clip below. If you can’t see it, try this YouTube link.
“Sometimes I Do Wear Clothes”,
Model/Photographer: Strangely-Oneiric
Much has been said on this blog regarding virtual friendships, relationships, and communities. The online communications and social media has uniquely redefined how we meet, relate, and thus choose who our friends are. Being a child of both worlds, the other being the more physical in nature, I sometimes struggle with the dichotomy of these relationships. Some people I have never met have become dear friends or people I have simply come to admire. Therein lies my struggle because in most cases, I am not content for the relationship to remain virtual. Such is the case with this lovely model whom I have come to admire from the galleries of deviantArt. I feel like I must needs have her in front of my lens. She goes by the handle, Strangely-Oneiric and is the epitome of my kind of model. I love the shapes and the movement. I normally do no post images that I don’t personally take on this blog, but I chose to make an exception here. Honestly, it was her face in the above image that captured my attention. Just browsing through the art nude galleries one day, I came across this thumbnail and was intrigued. The rest is history. I gotta shoot this girl.
(Let me interrupt for a second and throw out this caveat. This is not to say every other model I’ve worked with are any less satisfactory to me, so no offense should be taken of any kind with my reference to “epitome of my kind of model”. You already know I can be flattering at times, so let me just talk about this girl with the hopes that you appreciate her as much as I do.)
“How Could You Know”
I like that fact that she’s a simple girl. She’s not the perfect model that you’d find on the cover or centerfold of a major editorial. She doesn’t try to be and she loves herself the way she is. That’s probably the first thing I respect. In one of her journals, I saw a quote where she said, “I always prefer to photograph those that do not have perfect bodies. I feel as though we see enough of the stick-thin models in the media.” She started this adventure of self-discovery and has been evolving it as she goes. She is both model and photographer and often uses lyrics as descriptions of each image. Her images are as much of a chronicle of how she feels, her moods, and what’s on her mind, as any one else’s verbal descriptions might be. This is her journey and she travels it with honesty about who she is, why she does it, and holds no attachments past its inevitable end. When the journey/experiment is done, she’ll let go. So, I’ll just appreciate her gifts while they last.
[If the text color shows up poorly for those subscribing by email, please click over to the actual blog post for better readability.]
“But I Wasn’t Concentrating”
1) So how long have you been doing this model/photographer thing? How does it correlate to your art studies? I previously had a different site here on dA, that would have been 2 years ago (so 2008-2009). I acquired a decent fan base, though nothing in comparison to what I have now. After a period of time, I closed the account, just lost interest in continuing the site, maybe even became slightly self-conscience to have such a practice. I began again afresh a little more than a year ago on the site I currently have. I began partly for something to do, and partly because I wanted to create beautiful images with my body; Or if not beautiful, provocative.
“These Arms”
2) How exactly did you get started and how did you come to use the name Strangely-Oneiric? What’s its significance? (I had to look up oneiric. Now I have to find a context to use it!) How did I get started? Well, it’s not an exciting story. I decided to start one day and I did. I don’t remember it real vividly. I have limited technical abilities (especially when I first started with my little point and shoot), so I would try to time it right to have good natural lighting that I could “bathe” in. I have much more success with getting good images when I start with good lighting.
On my previous dA site, my favorite image was one where I had a backlight behind me and was hold a beautiful veil like material in front of me. People noted how dreamlike it was. So when I began again, I felt that should be my starting point–this very vague, cryptic, dreamlike feeling where you’re getting bits and pieces of a larger, though somewhat strange story. Because I feel this is a very strange story–to see or be told only the most vulnerable, intimate part of this exposed woman. “Strange dreams” doesn’t have any ring to it. So I brainstormed other words I knew to be “dreamlike.” Oneiric came to mind (good old vocab words from who knows when coming to the surface). And there the alias was born.
3) What are your feelings on nudes or nudity in general? Is it reflective of your lifestyle? What makes you so comfortable with your body?
I personally am very comfortable with my body (usually) but I understand this is not true for everyone. As a result, I don’t go walking around my house in my underwear and certainly not in public. Also, taking pictures and posting them on a site where you know no one and vice versa, very different than if I hung these up in my living room. As it is, I don’t feel very brave to be posting under this alias.
“Tired of the Routine”
4) What about role models or people inspire you as a photog and as a model? I have to admit I didn’t begin with an inspiration and still don’t have one. I just post what I feel.
5) You previously wrote a post stating your goal is to allow images to be your expression where words were insufficient. I really like that, btw. What exactly is it that you are trying to articulate with your photos? Well the photos are a visual journal to me, at least some of them. I can remember very clearly how I was feeling when I took, “Beautiful, I guess” for example, though I don’t remember why I felt that way. But it speaks to me to be able to look back and see that raw emotion, feel it again in a sense. What am I trying to articulate? Well I never know in the moment. I just take images that usually express what I’m feeling that moment, though sometimes the images are just something I’ve had in my head for a while and then truly pose for. So hopefully each image articulates something a little different.
“A Scene Begins”
6) What makes self-portrait nudes so appealing to you? How did you decide to go there? Do you think you’ll begin photographing nudes other than yourself? No, I don’t think I’ll be photographing nudes other than myself. I tried this once with some friends. We all got all giddy being naked with one another. Got a couple great shots of two friends laughing hysterically together, but we never repeated the shoot. And now I’ve lost touch with them. It’s strangely hard to find people willing to do this. And I don’t ask around much. This is my thing. Self-portraits in general are appealing to me for a few reasons. One, I don’t have to work around other people’s schedules when I want to shoot. Two, to toot my own horn, I know I’m decently photogenic. Few of my friends are. Three, it’s a bit therapeutic.
I like to do them in the nude for a few simple reasons: I don’t have to worry about color schemes in clothes. One less thing to think about. Also, it’s instantly more raw and intimate to do a photo nude. More humane. More timeless. We will always have our bodies. Finally, for my own amusement of seeing my undulating weight patterns and how my body proportions change as a result. (also, it’s interesting to see when others notice this, though few have noted it)
“Death on a Sunny Road”
7) I saw that you were reading a book called, “My Name is Asher Lev”, by Chaim Potok. You mentioned that it opens with a quote by Picasso, “Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth”. What does it mean to you? Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth. This parallels to my images in that, well they are not real life. Or they do not show a full “picture,” the full story. They freeze a moment, and in my case a staged moment or one that was manipulated and forced to the surface, and there it stays. And then we draw from these moments and realize something… Perhaps the truth.
8) You don’t have to reveal your true age, but I’m guessing you’re not older than 22…23 max. How does a young woman learn to close a chapter in her life, as you mentioned in your journal, so early? Has modeling taught you any life lessons?
“How You Laughed”
There have been various guesses on my age, though never over 24. Anywhere in the 20s I’ll take as a fair guess. How do you learn to close a chapter of your life? You channel your energy and emotions somewhere new and then move forward. So maybe you never close a chapter, but you can begin a new one. Has modeling taught me anything? If it has, I have yet to realize it. I think modeling with another person where we have to communicate with one another what our visions are in the moment would be a very telling exercise. But modeling for myself eliminates this communication. So it isn’t really a growing experience, though you do learn how to do it “better.”
9) How have you changed since you first began photographing yourself? I suppose I’ve become more aware of my sexuality and femininity. Other changes I would attribute to general life growth/progression, though, not because of modeling.
10) You have a fairly decent fan-base. How do you think they have grown so quickly? Why do you feel they come back? Do you feel any sense of responsibility to them now?
“Nobody Knows”
I have built up a decent set of followers since starting here on dA. It is certainly an unexpected, though certainly not unwelcome occurrence. It certainly seems to grow exponentially the longer I have a site–maybe because I show up higher in the popular searches now. I’m not sure exactly what the key is to “success” here on dA. It helps to have a jump start of an image that’s somewhat explicit or provocative; your numbers go up real fast. I believe I started getting more attention after posting, “Nobody Knows.” To get people coming back, it seems to be this honesty that everyone sees. I’m not sure what exactly that looks like or how that comes across; I just take pictures and post ones that I like. It’s really that simple. When I first started posting to this gallery, I was very concerned about making it “artistic” not pornographic. So then I put a lot of thought into more interesting poses, angles, composition, etc. (A few months ago, I randomly went on an image purge to “clean up my gallery” a bit, so much of this experimentation is now lost.) Then as I started establishing myself more, getting more affirmation, and just caring less, I now think less of that and just take images. Or maybe it’s because my more racy images have been so well received as nude art.
Do I really responsibility to my “fans” now? Well, I suppose this is the wrong thing to say, but no, not really. There are so many artists here on dA, if I stopped posting people would be sad for all of like one day and then we’d all move on and then we’d all move on with our lives.
11) What would you say are your most challenging issues or concerns as a photog/model? Being that this isn’t a career for me or even a serious pursuit, I can’t say it’s really that challenging or concerning of a hobby typically. I do it for my own amusement and enjoyment; when it loses that air, then I’ll stop. Security issues are definitely in the back of my mind just because that is so out of my control and I probably won’t ever know if my work is/has been misused or sold for pornographic purposes and such.
12) You range from images that are relatively benign in nature to some that are more explicit. How do you decide how racy your images will be when you decide to shoot? Is it a mood? Do you alternate benign one week and explicit the next? What boundaries do you set for yourself?
“This Low”
Boundaries? System? Planned out thought? Negative. You are giving me too much credit. If I have a stretch of time to myself and happen to see good lighting, I might say to myself, “Hey, I should get out my camera.” And then I try to take photos that will document how I’m currently feeling that day. If they were posed/planned out, I think I would get in a rut of what kind of images to post. I suppose if I had to name a boundary is that I like to post things that have some beauty in them, in whatever way that may be. Sometimes I see an image that I kind of like, though I feel it didn’t quite hit the mark. And then I do an iteration of that at another date. I did this with “Nobody Knows” as well as “This Low.” In fact, “This Low” I’m still not satisfied with. At some point, I still hope to redo that one, really nail it. That one would be so much easier to take not by myself though…I can never get the angle that I see in my head. But then how on earth would I communicate this faint image in my head to another photographer. To hand over your vision is to compromise much of it between yourselves.
13) Would it bother you if someone suggested your work was pornographic rather than art erotica? It would probably bother me a little if someone suggested my work belonged on a pornographic site. I would probably go through my gallery and analyze for myself if I thought I had overstepped appropriate lines. But I try to be mindful of this before posting, typically. So on this site, I would probably just say, “uh huh” and not reply further.
“Your Skin and Bones”
14) What is the next level or the next step for you? So what next? A valid question. I just don’t know. As for modeling, at some point later in life (when I have more money to go taking trips and flying throughout the country), I do think it would be fun to do a photo shoot with an accomplished photographer. And then like 40 years from now do another nude shoot with a photographer. That would be a truly interesting show, I think–to have prints up in a very similar style of myself at different stages/ages in life. As for life itself? Graduate with flying colors. Get my dream job. Be awesome.
15) What advice would you give to another young lady wishing to do what you are doing? I don’t think that I would advise other young women to do this. It’s not exactly a safe thing to do and you have to kind of ignore a lot of crude comments from men. If her mind was set to do it, though, I would advise to just do it for yourself. Post what you feel and make it meaningful.
16) If you were interviewing yourself, what good question might you ask that I’ve missed? And what would be your answer? Other questions I would ask myself if we switched roles…well…I’m not sure really. You didn’t leave any holes, from what I can see. I’ll let you know if I think of anything else, though.
“Thinking About Tomorrow”
**Note: All images on this blog particular post are property of and copyrighted by Strangely-Oneiric. No stock, please.
